Jodi Hills

So this is who I am – a writer that paints, a painter that writes…


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The gardener.

My mother was struggling with the row of marigolds she had planted to line our driveway on Van Dyke Road. Water more? Water less? She wasn’t sure. She stood puzzled, garden hose in hand. I stood beside her, confident with the answer, my banana seat bike balanced between my legs.

“You just have to pray more,” I said.

“What?”

“Like Mrs. Musik,” I replied.

Mrs. Musik had the most coveted lawn and garden on Van Dyke Road. The grass emerald green. Each blade the same height. Row after row of beautiful flowers. Every color. One brighter than the next. All at attention. Pushing toward the sky. We weren’t allowed on it. The free-for-all of running across lawns and driveways and through screen doors didn’t apply here. But this prohibition didn’t make it any less beautiful. I often pushed the break pedal of my bike, slowing down, sometimes even stopping, just to watch her, bent over, kneeling in front of the flower bed, hands reaching out, covered in dirt.

“What makes you think she is praying?” My mother asked.

“Because I’ve seen her,” I said and described her on bent knee.

“I think she’s weeding.”

“What’s that?”

“You know, she’s taking out the weeds. Getting through all the bad stuff, so the good things can grow.”

Neither of us quite sure of which word we were describing, I guess I still hold it as my definition. Releasing the bad thoughts, making room for the good things to grow. I garden daily through the negativity of my heart and brain, making room for the bloom. You can call it whatever you like, I suppose, but I know when my hands are dirty and my heart is clean, something good will come of it. Something will grow from all of this, and it will be me.


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Making space.


It was a cathedral I had to fill, my first solo show in France. I laughed as I made one canvas larger than the next, because it had been all I had prayed for — space.

I used to paint in my small apartment’s bathroom in Minneapolis. It was the only place that I could spill and clean. The seating was built in. Small canvases were easy. Large ones I could balance on my legs, the towel bar and the edge of the tub. I guess I hadn’t been all that specific in my prayers. I didn’t know the answer would come with a move to another country, but there I was, in the south of France, covered in paint, love, and “well, this is what you asked for…” so I filled the space with my story. Canvas by canvas.

Perhaps it is the most open I have ever been. And maybe that’s what love gives you — space. And I don’t just mean romantic love (which does help a great deal!) but also love for yourself, love for the chances that life offers, love for the answers that come as a complete surprise.

I have it now, in home and country and studio, but I still pray for it daily, for my heart That I will find the space for all those trying to share their stories, their talents, their imperfections, their lives. May I be open to them all.