Jodi Hills

So this is who I am – a writer that paints, a painter that writes…


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It’s coming.

I suppose it’s always easier to see it in others when you’ve worn the same face they are wearing. He was waiting for the school bus. Clearly it was the first day. All the clues were there. Just after Labor Day. His hair parted and combed. Book bag empty and pristine. Clothing ironed. He shifted his weight from foot to foot. Clearly he had been standing on the sidewalk for a while. Early on this first morning. He turned his head from side to side. Quickly, as if he could have missed a glimpse of the big yellow wheeled beast in mid turn. 

Empathy is a powerful force. I’m certain he had a lump in his throat, because I could feel one in mine. 

It’s funny how uncertainty works. Because I didn’t begin that way. My first days of school I easily flung myself out to the end of our driveway. Wet hair in the wind. Racing to a bus I knew would be there. A bus I knew would wait for my scurry. A bus I knew , if I were running really late, would go down the road, pick up the wet-headed Norton girls and turn around and stop for me again. 

I suppose it was my father leaving that rolled uncertainty, like a river, into everything I had known for sure. I went earlier to the bus stop. Would it be there? On time? Would I trip? Would it know that I needed it to pick me up, now more than ever?

Because it did, every day. Because my mother was as reliable as that big, yellow bus. Because she flung her doors wide open for me. Waited for me. I became certain again. I stood strong on two legs. Filled with the knowledge that things, people, could be counted on. 

I slowed down long enough yesterday to tell the young boy, “It’s coming.” He smiled. We both stepped into the certainty of the day. 


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Sleeved.


When you’re the last one in line, the hand-me-downs have to go back up. 


I bought the black leather vest in New Mexico while traveling with my mother many years ago. I wore it proudly, then passed it up to her. She looked fabulous in it. Black pants. A popped white crisp collared blouse underneath. Scarved for a little color. (Scarf is the new black, she would say.)


I have it back again. That black leather vest. When I get compliments, I always say it was my mother’s. Because that’s the most important part of the story for me. They don’t need to know the whole “Sisterhood of the traveling pants” version. That beats quietly beneath the zipped leather. 


I like that we shared the clothes before it was, pardon my pun, in fashion. Long before vintage was cool. Truth be told we didn’t even use the word vintage — we only had hand-me-downs, and hand-me-ups. But we weren’t looking to be on trend, we wanted to be connected. For that same reason, my mom handed down clothes to her sister Karolynn. To be connected. 


Just last week my cousin Kalee wore my mother’s coat to our cousin’s funeral. The coat that my mother handed to her sister, that she handed to her daughter. The coat I would wear on winter visits when I didn’t bring one of my own. I like to think that love is sleeved. Each time we slip through, we pass on the hugs, we pass on the love. And it gets handed off, up and down and all around. 


I guess what I’m saying is, it doesn’t have to end. We can all stay connected. Once we allow the passing through, it, we, can always be passed along. Held in the arms of love.