Jodi Hills

So this is who I am – a writer that paints, a painter that writes…


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Friend.

I can’t say it’s the table. Nor the cupboards. I do like my kitchen, but it’s more correct to say I like who I am in my kitchen. Be it bread or cookies, I like that I’m creating something that wasn’t there before. I like that my Elsie confidence allows me to add flour without measuring, and grin as if I’ve always known. And certainly that’s not the case. I never baked before coming to France. And now my house shoes have a permanent ring of flour in the cracks.

And isn’t it the way with friends:

“I really like who I am with you…
I hope that doesn’t sound bad to say…
I mean it more as a compliment to you, more of a “thank you” really.
You free me to be this person who laughs and
cries and feels and enjoys and loves.
What a relief to be myself,
without performing, or worrying…
just being and becoming who I am…
That’s some gift…
I hope I’m returning it…
because you know what,
I really like who you are with me.”*

Welcome to the kitchen.

*from the book, “friend,” by Jodi Hills


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Through beach and storm.

It’s not really in spite of, but because of, that we’re friends — this walking through beach and storm. 

I could feel it, looking at her water damaged basement. What a mess to have gone through. But how quickly we moved to what it was going to be next. The finish. The decoration. And this was nothing really, compared to what we’ve been through together. The real storms we have actually weathered. Side by side. Braced in winds of heart-ache, and ever bent in waves of laughter. 

I hope you can see it in the painting. I hope you live it in your real life. 

People often ask me what is my favorite card. I can’t say for certain, but I do know the one that I send, sometimes just in my head, many times a day. Because no matter the occasion, joyous, sentimental, difficult, exciting, wonderful, painful, hopeful, I want to be there, because we’re friends. 

Even when we’re countries apart, we feel the same things. We type our footsteps, and we walk together. 

And I am all the better, perhaps the best of myself, because we’re friends. 


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Without uniform.

Maybe it’s easier to see when we’re younger. Or maybe they do the work for us. Giving us uniforms. Gathering us together on buses and in classrooms. Cross-legged on floors in circles, whispering and giggling. They give us mascots and rally songs. And we are a part of something. 

And then they send us off into the world. Hoping it was enough. Hoping they gave us the skills to recognize those around us. To connect without uniform. 

And you know it when you do. As certain as if the rally song was playing behind you. Those friends, old and new, that know you as you become and become. As you change and grow. Those that walk beside you. In moments of pure joy. In the tenderness of sorrow. Through the uncertainties of success and loss. Always. All ways. Beside. Without hesitation, they join in the laughter, they answer each doubt, each question the same, “…because we’re friends.”

It was enough. It is enough. I see you. 

…because we’re friends.


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Beyond all loft and luxury.

I had actually never thought about where she lived. For me, she lived in the gym, like most of my friends. Playing one sport or another. But while we all worried about things, like living in a trailer, or parents splitting up, what kind of cars we rode in, (would eventually drive), if we had the right jeans, the right tennis shoes… while all these worries were going on in our own heads, hearts, most of us were really thinking, that’s my friend from band, from choir, the one I sit behind in social studies, the girl I trust to know my secret crush, my period schedule, my first choice to sit with on long bus rides —- because this is where people live, where your real friends live, right beside you — it’s never about the trailer. 

I suppose everything takes a long time to learn. And I’m still learning. And sometimes learning means forgetting. Forgetting about all the trivial things. I don’t care what cars my friends drive. The only reason I know one, is because I had to follow her to another friend’s house. A house that was beautiful, surely because of its view of Lake Latoka, but more so because it gathered us in. Gathered us in beyond all loft and luxury, and lifted us with laughter — a laughter that is still bouncing my feet, springing my step, joying my heart. This is the real measure of friendship. And lives beside me. Within me. Us. Forever.