Jodi Hills

So this is who I am – a writer that paints, a painter that writes…


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Pants on.

I suppose in a way she did manage to quell my impatience when she told me to “Keep your pants on.” For it was in that moment that my sense of urgency switched from finding the library book — the one that I had been waiting on for the past two weeks, one that was neither in the return bin, nor on the shelf — and turned to focusing on a possible scenario in which I would think taking my pants off would solve anything. Who did she think I was? Did she know my mother? I stood there frozen, in this glorious sea of imagination and wonder, this beautiful library of Washington Elementary, as her words repeated in my head. Neither fire alarm nor peer pressure of any kind would indeed make me do such a thing. Of course I would keep my pants on, but I still wanted that book.

I suppose I’ve always struggled with patience. Maybe we all do. And the messages we receive can often be confusing. They continue to tell us to live in the “now,” but when we need something done, now, they tell us to be patient. These are the thoughts that race through my head, and it is in fact all I can do to “keep my pants on.” But that’s what saves me usually, this laughter. Being able to see the ridiculous. Visualizing it. It stops me. Gets me thinking about something else. And while this may not be actual patience, it does manage to achieve the same goal, so I’m OK with it. We take our victories where we can.

They say our brains reach 90 percent of our adult sizes by the age of six. What they neglect to tell us is that most of that 90 percent we have to relearn on a daily basis. This too makes me smile. And so I keep on learning. I keep on laughing. And for the most part, I do, indeed, keep my pants on.


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Covered in the welcoming.

Walking into the entry of my grandparents’ home, I could feel my shoulders relax. Dropping down with the ease of the coats hooked on the wall. Nothing left to brace. No cold. No pretense. My first glimpse into the rumor of home. 

Of course I didn’t have any of those words yet, as I danced beneath the dangling sleeves. Cuffs that smelled like tobacco and earth, brushed across my face. My mother had already made it into the kitchen. But I lingered. Stretching my unmittened hands up and into the damp sleeves. With boots still on, I could slide my feet into my grandpa’s shoes. Almost completely covered in the welcoming. Nearly finished with her first cup of egg coffee, my mother waved me in. 

I suppose I’ve always been one to linger. Wanting the moment to last. It’s the 22nd and I want it all to slow down. I’m not ready to jump to the Christmas Day. I want to play the music. Loudly. Softly. I want to finger the wrapping. Nibble at the cookies. Drape myself in the entry of all the magic to come. I can see my mother’s feet in grandma’s kitchen. There’s no need to hurry. I know I am home.


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Bambooed.

I didn’t even notice it when I took the picture – how the bamboo tree photobombed my most recent painting.

I don’t know that I was aware of the speed, strength and resilience of bamboo before moving to France. We have a tiny forest of them in our backyard. It’s not like you can actually see them growing…but almost. For the most part, we have kept them contained to a single area, but this one somehow snuck much closer to the house.

I was never really one to paint landscapes before. I had only lived in the city. But I am surrounded by nature now. I walk through it daily. It seems I permanently have a rock in my shoe, every shoe, and a call to wander. It’s in my heart now. And as with all of my paintings, they have to travel through there first. I paint the landscapes. I live in this new palette. And I can see it. The growth.

Maybe I didn’t notice it while it was happening, but I have bambooed my way into this new palette — this new life. I suppose that’s the way it is with all growth — strong, resilient, and oh, so surprising!

Green and smiling, I begin the day. New.