Jodi Hills

So this is who I am – a writer that paints, a painter that writes…


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Building a soul.

She stood beside Martin Luther King, Jr. and sang “We shall overcome.” She was only 19 at the time. Recalling it today, Joan Baez states she really thought that it meant once, this overcoming…laughing, in the way that you do from exhaustion but an unwillingness to give up, she says at 83, “I didn’t realize we would have to overcome again and again…”

My mother loved her for a different anthem — the song Diamonds and Rust. She must have spun a hole in the record, with her own reasons and willingness to overcome. It’s gained popularity again today because of the recent movie about Bob Dylan (for whom she wrote this song). The world keeps beginning.

When I was a kid, watching the record spin, I thought I would just figure stuff out, you know, and become something, and that would be it…that would be my life. Thank God that isn’t the way, not for me anyway. I think that I, we, just have to keep becoming. We change and grow. We are molded by love and trips around the sun. It takes a long time to build a soul. We get older, maybe wiser, (even better, we gain a little grace) but we don’t finish – we don’t have to – we begin, and be, and begin again. I think that’s the gift of living…the joy of being alive! We shall overcome. 


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Overcoming beige.

My mother had two red coats. One extremely light winter coat, and another even lighter. She never wanted to be too hot, but she did want to be seen. I have both of those coats now. I love that no matter what I’m wearing, I can throw one on and look pretty good. People don’t see that maybe I still have paint on my pants, or maybe I forgot the belt. Maybe my shirt has lost the ironed crisp. As I rush through the grocery store, post office, or simply down the road — all they see is this beautiful flash of red — and I am strengthened in my mother’s blur. 

These coats mean the world to me, but I was given a gift even more priceless. She first taught me how to make it with nothing at all. From the ever beige of a basement condo, a used car, a small salary, and only enough hope to fill a pocket, she taught me how to live a beautiful life. She taught me that the outer meant nothing, unless the inner was strong. 

We took our dim yellow feathers to the mall frequently. Some might say we left with nothing. But that wouldn’t be true. Even when our hands were empty. No bags in tow, we were filled with joy. “Wouldn’t you rather look good in the outfit, than be able to afford it?” She asked the question often. The answer was always a laughing and resounding yes, as we soared out the revolving doors.

Half of the cardinals are given a red coat at birth. I do not envy them. Love gave me mine, thread by thread, long after I was taught to fly.


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Stuck, or free?

Every time I have a knot in my shoelace, which is every day, I wonder, “Why do I always have a knot in my shoelace?”  But I never think, “Well, I won’t walk today.” I love to take walks. Something new is always discovered, worthy of every knot struggled.  


We could stop doing things every time there was a struggle, but soon we would all be paralyzed. There will always be difficulties, large and small. Knots in shoelaces. Rocks in shoes. Paths unknown. But we move ahead.


Georgia O’keefe said,  “I’ve been absolutely terrified every moment of my life and I’ve never let it keep me from doing a single thing that I wanted to do.”  


Everyone has fear.  Difficulties. Do you hear that?  Everyone.  Something, someone will always try to stop you, stand in your way. Always. But you have a choice. A decision to make each day. Stuck, or free? Release the knot. Lace up. Let go. Look at the road. It’s open.