Jodi Hills

So this is who I am – a writer that paints, a painter that writes…


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I had the Meatloaf.

With no maps at hand, nor the inclination to read one, we roadtripped across America song by song. Blind, sure, but never deaf. 

When we graduated from radio to cassette tape to CD, our world opened up. Able to change the song, the album, the singer with ease, we could play my mother’s favorite game show, Name that Tune. Once she had mastered our “record” collection, I switched the game to Name that Singer. Frustrated when I went deep into the collection, like with Meatloaf for example, after a few incorrect guesses, she began to answer only Meatloaf. Miles of endless freeway could disappear with laughter. Even when it was a female singer that she didn’t know, she would guess Meatloaf, and states would echo with laughter in the rear view mirror. 

And it didn’t end there. With no phones or GPS, we never knew when our next meal would be. We’d have to chance the exits, or settle for gas station cuisine. At times, when stomach growls sounded over the playlist my mother would say, “I’m starving, put on that Meatloaf song again.” And hunger turned to laughter once again.

I no longer have a CD player, and I live in France, so it’s rare that I hear those old songs. But now we have Spotify, and I can choose the genre, which took some effort because they don’t have a “Blind driving with mother section.” So yesterday it happened in the car. As “Paradise by the Dashboard light” began to play, between singing, I had to explain to Dominique both the song and the game. We had driven around the city twice to try to find parking to pick up his new passport. With summer tourists in our already impossible to park city, we were blind of spaces. Is that why the song appeared? Possibly. A little laughter from heaven? I choose to believe it. 

I suppose it’s always a choice. How we decide to feel, what we choose to believe. When handed frustration, I will say, no, I had the Meatloaf. 

Cross over to the beauty that lies ahead.


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Crossing over.

Maybe it’s because I was brought up to listen for them. To watch. Even to feel the track. It sounds of train this morning, though I know it can’t be true. There are no trains that run through our neighborhood, not through the hills of the Montaiguet, here in the south of France.

There were no flashing lights on the line behind the statue of Big Ole that guarded the Main Street of Alexandria, MN. No barriers to block out the danger. But to cross over from neighborhood to town, you had to get over the tracks. I began watching for one, coming down the hill by Lord’s house, just as my mother taught me. There were no distractions of cell phones. No music. No photos to take. But there was more than enough to hold my attention. Geese droppings to navigate through from the true owners of the lake on the left, who hissed and chased, just in case you forgot. Someone fishing. Someone biking. A gentle honk and hand wave out a car window — followed by an extensive explanation of yes, I indeed have gotten this big and am able to walk to town all by myself. Jingled change in pockets to be twirled and dreamed over. Shoulders burning in the summer sun. Would Shari and Jan keep fighting? Would Cindy still be my friend if I couldn’t sleep over? Is it Barbie’s birthday? Will I dive off the high tower? Will I be stopped at the tracks, losing five to ten precious minutes of my summer vacation — I listened for the train. Ready, willing, excited even, at the possibility that I could yell out to goose, fisher, or any passerby, “T R A I N!!!!!!”

I never go walking without my phone now. Is it for safety? Maybe. It would be hard to argue that case though. Is it because I need to begin every sentence with, “I was listening to a podcast…” — possibly. I do watch my surroundings. I say hello to the birds. Bonjour the daily walkers. I paint the path. But I know I need reminding to take it all in. Even the voices in my head. To really listen. To really see.

I know the sounds I’m hearing this morning are construction. Roads being redone up the hill. But my heart leaps with youthful warnings to pay attention. Listen. It’s all rumbling by so fast. Not to be lost, but gathered in. I want to shout it out to everyone – look how big we’ve gotten — how far we’ve come! — but it all sounds like “Train!” I look both ways, and cross over to the beauty that lies ahead.


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The bridge to everything.

Today is a packing day. I finished my recent commission and it’s time to send it to another country. To release something, put it in the hands of others, is no small thing. But that’s what it was made for, to reach this destination. So I have to let go. Trust — the final bridge to everything, I suppose. 

Trust has always been hard for me. As a child, I gave it away freely, this precious cargo, until one day, it was damaged. Beyond repair? I didn’t know. So I kept packing. Protecting that heart at all costs. Bubble wrapped. Shrink wrapped. Permission wrapped – tightly. Even behind all that protection, I guess I always knew this was not the final destination. 

It’s not lost on me that to reach our home, you have to cross a bridge, the Pont des trois sautets. I made that choice. To cross over. I trusted my heart. His. And found myself at home.

You will be asked today, tomorrow, to keep moving forward — to cross that bridge. Not as a punishment, but as a gift. There is so much beauty that lies ahead! 

It’s all about the choices we make. We can choose to stay or to cross over. We are offered these bridges as gifts. It’s not always easy to dare to cross over, to get through, to get beyond… but it is a choice. So many rivers to cross. And with one step, we choose… we decide to love, to be loved… we decide that we are actually worthy of the giving and receiving… we choose to live… and we cross over… we cross over to the beauty that lies ahead. What a journey!