Jodi Hills

So this is who I am – a writer that paints, a painter that writes…


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Unconditional.

He used to bark at me. But he has grown accustomed to my passing twice a day, the dog behind the gate up the road. He sports an aged coat of overgrown gray and white. Perhaps he once ran tall in his breed, but now he lays sacked in his indiscriminate being, his head peeking through the rungs. 

It was a long time before I saw him out on the road. Perhaps he lumbered out behind the slow return of the gate as his owner went off to work. As I approached, he cocked his head to the left and looked up at me. He knew me, perhaps by scent or by the sound of my steps. So he didn’t bark. But as I got closer, I realized that this was probably the first time he actually saw me. His left eye was just a gray, milky ball. Watching me through the gate all these years, not being able to turn his head, I’m sure he never actually saw me with his good eye. 

His back hips swayed to a soundtrack that only he could hear. I skipped along to the milky French in my earbuds. Each of us, making our way. Both a little more understanding of the other’s path. 

I painted a dog in a similar position many years ago. The original sold almost immediately, but I still get requests for the prints even today. It’s titled, “Unconditional.” (I suppose we all want this.) I smile and think, maybe, even with all of our blurred limitations, we could see each other. Be a little kinder. Be a little more understanding. Make a little more room for each other on the path.

Unconditional


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To pastures new.

Grandpa Rueben explained that he had to move the cows or they would keep eating until their stomachs burst. My cousins and I would laugh. What a sight! “The cows bursting in air!” We thought they were so stupid. How could they ever let that happen?And yet, I find myself in the rockets red glare of a dwindling bag of Twizzlers, wondering who will move me to pastures new. 

The thing is, we think we know. So certain that if it happened to us we would do it differently. And then… knee deep in the situation, things become a little more clear. Maybe we didn’t know. Maybe we understand a little better. Maybe we judge a little less. 

I’d like to think we only had to learn that once. This empathy. But no. I suppose the best we can hope for is a faster journey to pastures new — that we can come to the understanding a little quicker each time. And perhaps in this new field, “they” becomes “we”, and kindness is the only thing that fills us. 

To pastures new.


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Because you would be the only one who understands.


My mother used to keep a list, a laminated list, of all my surgeries. I had had over 20, so to remember the dates and places, was just too much. There was no MyChart, or other computer app at that time. We didn’t have cell phones, or ipads, so she typed (on a typewriter) each procedure, laminated it, and kept it in her wallet. And each time I went to a new hospital, of course they would ask about my history, and she would whip it out, no explanation required.


What a gift to have someone who knows you. Knows your history. Because she did that, you see, with all my emotions. Whenever something came up in my life, I didn’t have to relive the past. Didn’t have to justify my feelings. Never had to explain why this event would trigger something in me. She knew. She knows me. She always knows me. The events of my life are laminated in her heart. And hers in mine. Forever safe. Forever understood.


I hope you have that with someone. I hope someone has that with you. What a gift to be understood. What a gift to understand!