Jodi Hills

So this is who I am – a writer that paints, a painter that writes…


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Unconditional.

He used to bark at me. But he has grown accustomed to my passing twice a day, the dog behind the gate up the road. He sports an aged coat of overgrown gray and white. Perhaps he once ran tall in his breed, but now he lays sacked in his indiscriminate being, his head peeking through the rungs. 

It was a long time before I saw him out on the road. Perhaps he lumbered out behind the slow return of the gate as his owner went off to work. As I approached, he cocked his head to the left and looked up at me. He knew me, perhaps by scent or by the sound of my steps. So he didn’t bark. But as I got closer, I realized that this was probably the first time he actually saw me. His left eye was just a gray, milky ball. Watching me through the gate all these years, not being able to turn his head, I’m sure he never actually saw me with his good eye. 

His back hips swayed to a soundtrack that only he could hear. I skipped along to the milky French in my earbuds. Each of us, making our way. Both a little more understanding of the other’s path. 

I painted a dog in a similar position many years ago. The original sold almost immediately, but I still get requests for the prints even today. It’s titled, “Unconditional.” (I suppose we all want this.) I smile and think, maybe, even with all of our blurred limitations, we could see each other. Be a little kinder. Be a little more understanding. Make a little more room for each other on the path.

Unconditional


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Unconditional.

“You sneeze just like Grandma Elsie,” my mother often told me. It always made me happy.  Maybe that sounds silly, but it is true. I suppose it’s because it wasn’t something I had to work for. It was a connection I just had. Still do. A gift to this day. A reminder of this unconditional love. I received it from my grandmother. From my mother.

There is a fatigue that comes from wanting people to like you. To love you. And it’s not always a given. Being related is not a guarantee. Some people just don’t. Won’t.  

I don’t recall ever having to try with my grandma. From the days of being plopped in a chair, I can remember just watching her. Fascinated by this ever whirling plump that stopped randomly to poke my belly, or kiss my cheek. (And I was a momma’s girl from day one. The thought of being plopped anywhere other than her lap was terrifying.) But here, in my grandma’s kitchen, seeing the ease with which my mother passed me off to her, I trusted that I would be more than ok. And I was. 

I don’t edit my daily blogs. (Maybe that’s easy to tell.) I don’t plan them in advance. I let the memory come. And simply tell you the story. I hope you can see the love in that. Because I’m not sure that love can be dazzled out of anyone. Nor can trust be forced. When it’s real, it just comes. Naturally. 

Mowing the lawn yesterday, the dust filled the air. Filled my nose. I sneezed again and again above the sound of the motor, beneath the blue of heaven’s smile. 

Love remains. Plopped in the comfort of my heart.


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Find your way home.

I painted a portrait of this dog for my book, “Home.” I had the original leaning up against the wall in my apartment. You could see it when you opened the door. My neighbor’s dog, Daisy, spotted it immediately the first time she passed by. Daisy, normally the calmest service dog, went wild with excitement. Finally, she must have thought, someone like me! She only saw in once, but she remembered, and she always wanted in my apartment. I sold the original after the gallery show. I didn’t have the heart to tell Daisy her friend wasn’t there anymore. Because when she saw me. Heard my door open, she still felt the presence of her friend. I let her keep that gift.


I suppose that’s the way it works for all of us. We spend our time searching for someone who makes us feel less alone, who makes us feel more like ourselves, who makes us feel alive! What a gift that is when you find it!


“All the songwriters and poets have tried to tell us, what all the homesick children and the soldiers know, what the girl in the red shoes and the barking dogs know, what the signs waiting at the airport terminals say and the whistle of the train screams – “There’s no place like home!” (From the book “Home”)


I continue to paint the portraits. The landscapes. The doors. All in hopes of helping you find your palette, your familiar, your heart…to find your way home.