In the “Age of Innocence,” (if there were ever a time), they used to say, “I didn’t think they’d try it on,” meaning, I didn’t think they’d have the guts to do it. Some may have said that about my mother, but not me.
I’m not sure she ever really knew how brave she was. I know she wanted to be. I guess I knew first, because my grandfather told me. Standing in the kitchen, opposite the sink – grandma in elbow deep – in front of the window that framed the stripped and hanging cow from the tree, he told me I could turn in, or turn out. That I could armored like my Aunt Kay, or be open like my mother. He didn’t mark either as good or bad, both would be difficult, it was just a choice. My mother returned from the other room. Broken, she had the guts to still be ruffled in white. I had already made my choice. To be wounded, but still believe in love, I would ever be “trying it on.”
It was years later, I relayed his message to her. She hadn’t known that he saw her. It wasn’t the way. I suppose it was thought, “Well, it goes without saying…” but mostly I think that means it simply goes unsaid. I can’t let it be one of those times. Ever ruffled in ruffles, I come to the page, to the canvas, to you, wide open, daily. And on those days when you think you don’t have the strength, the courage, the will, you will think of these words, these images, see my mother’s face and heart, and you will find yourself “trying it on.”
It wasn’t just the jumping rope that I enjoyed, it was also the singing. On the playground of Washington Elementary each day before class we took turns twirling and jumping. The two twirlers would go around a few times. Set the pace, while the other girls stood in line behind the rope, matching the turns with hands raised like conductors. And the song would begin…”Vote vote vote for (insert name here)…” and she would jump in. “Knock knock (next girl in line) at the door…” and she would jump in. “She’s a better woman, she can do the wibble wobble, so we don’t need (first girl) anymore.” The first girl would jump out and the song began again. Whenever someone tripped or stopped the rope they had to become a twirler. I’m not going to say it was great theatre, but we thought it was quite a production! So we sang! We laughed! We jumped! Together!
Of course I had jump ropes at home. Singles as I called them. The length for one person. And it was fun to jump solo. The smooth garage floor added speed. I timed myself. Jumps per minute. Lengths of the stall. But one Saturday, walking through Ben Franklin to get to our car parked in back by the library, I saw them. Full length playground jump ropes. “Oh, please! I need one!” I begged my mom. “You have jump ropes,” she said. “Not the long one. I promise I’ll use it. I promise.” They were only a dollar, so it wasn’t a big fight.
My mom was about to pull in the garage. “No, wait!” I said, knowing I would need the full floor. She shrugged her shoulders and walked inside. I took off the tags. Tied one end to the garage door handle and walked it back. Making sure to clear the ceiling with each turn. I set the pace. The door complied. I began to sing. I “voted” myself in and kept jumping. Raced around when I, myself, “knocked at the door,” and became the better woman, never missing a beat.
The dust flew up from the cement floor — the floor that went unswept because I could always find something more important to do, like the wibble wobble for instance.
Of course I could have just jumped using the solo rope, but it felt good to be connected, even when I was alone. I feel like these words that I type each morning do the same thing. Sending out little songs. Little invites. For us to be connected. Even with those who have long stopped turning, but with whom we continue to sing and to jump and to laugh! Together!
