Jodi Hills

So this is who I am – a writer that paints, a painter that writes…


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Hey, Robin!

They were always happy to see her. “Hey, Robin!” Women waving from windowsills freshly opened. Kids on bicycles, spinning newly bare-legged. The mail carriers with a little extra spring in their steps. And that was it, she supposed, this spring. She hadn’t realized what was brought each year — this promise of renewal. This hope of better days. But she had seen her mother do it, from, well, this bird’s eye view. Fully nested she watched the earth give her mother an approving wink, and she knew one day she would do the same.

She couldn’t remember the day it happened. It seemed she was just flying. Underneath her mother’s wing, she soared through city and field. Darting and dancing. Oh, what joy to be in her mother’s stream. Flowers bloomed and bees sang along in seemingly endless sun. She wasn’t worried when the colors began to change. They were still lovely. Almost the rouge of her own breast. How could that be bad? So she kept flying through the dropping leaves. She hadn’t seen winter yet. But her mother prepared her as best she could. “But if we bring the spring,” she questioned, why don’t we just bring it now?” Her mother smiled, knowing she had asked the same thing. And her mother before her. I suppose everyone wonders. Why the winter months? Poets and philosophers have always tried to answer. But maybe the most truthful was her mother — who stopped focusing on the why, and only looked forward to the sweet call.

She thinks about her daily. Hears her song in each twig that she rests on. Her tiny orange heart can get away from her. And she knows she wasn’t promised spring. No, she would have to bring it. The thought heavies her wings, and she waits. It takes a winter, I suppose, for the “have to” to turn to a “get to.” But the hopeful flutter returns. She “gets to” bring the spring. What a privilege! She leaps from branch to blue, and hears the joyful cries — “Hey, Robin!”


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The inner whir.

I wasn’t allowed to start it. But that never stopped me from riding. My legs weren’t long enough yet to straddle the seat. I folded them underneath me, which also offered the height I needed to reach the handle bars. Bundled with at least two pairs of snow pants, I couldn’t feel the snow that had collected on the heels of my boots. If I knew the words for throttle and brake, I didn’t understand them. I squeezed both frantically at the same time with a woolened tenderness. The faux fur that encircled my face prevented me from seeing Norton’s house, but as the anchor to Van Dyke Road, I always knew it was there. The two strings that secured my hat, were balled in the same fur, and tucked inside my coat’s collar. I could feel them vibrate as I made the whirring sound for speed in the motionless snow. 

I don’t know how long I spent on the Ski-doo. Perhaps it wasn’t even as long as it took to bundle. Winter outings at 5 years old rarely were. I mention it as a reminder. Glenda the good witch in the Wizard of Oz was right, “You’ve always had the power, my Dear…” I tell myself this as I set out for the day. I smile and hear the whir from within. Today is beginning — Let’s ride!!!


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The out from under.

There must have been more of it then — the snow. I remember garage doors avalanched. Gravel buried. Yards that melded one into the other on Van Dyke Road. (Aaaaah, the great white equalizer.) And maybe it was youth, or inexperience, or lessons yet unlearned, but I don’t remember ever feeling that we wouldn’t come out from under. Even as abandoned snowmen clung to life beside Spring’s marigolds, I believed in the warmth ahead. 

Perhaps it’s the reasoning for all the lights. On trees and mantles. Candles lit and windows outlined with blinks of eternal hope. I suppose we do everything to keep the warmth alive. We highlight memories. Not to relive the winter, but to point our way to summer’s embrace. To prove to our hearts, and mostly our minds (the heart is always the easier sell) that we can overcome. We can survive. And will. And WILL. 

It’s ironic — this urgency to rush the winter, when it all really goes so fast. To slow it down, I remember the boots tipped over on radiators. Scarves half frozen from breathless gasps captured in the cold. And I think, what haven’t I survived? What haven’t we survived? And I gather in the light — warmed in the “out from under” — and I am saved.


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Warm and wild hopes.

I suppose it’s always in the delivery. I can see it falling gently outside the window. The lightest snow. And I’m not sure if it’s the “good kind,” – the right kind for building. I never was sure. As a child I would thrust myself in boots and hat and mittens and stumble outside to see if it would stick. That was the true test. Grabbing a handful and cupping woolen mittens about. Pressing forming. Would it hold? Take shape? And if did, hold that is, in a tiny ball, well then, I knew my future was set. I would be making a snow man, a snow village even! The possibilities were endless.

I suppose it’s the same with living. With loving. We can’t know for sure. Will it last? Will it hold?

It never stopped me as child, this not knowing. I won’t let it stop me now. Because we can’t know everything. We can only try. We can only race with warm and wild hopes. We can only reach out our hands and hearts and try to build something. Something that with all certainty will be impermanent, but still so very beautiful.

May our hearts forever waken in woolen red, prepared to grab a handful! To build! To try! Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow!


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Winter in Minneapolis



There is a natural instinct, I suppose, when you experience something wonderful, to want others to feel the same. “You’ve gotta taste this,” we say. “You’ve got to see this!” And I enjoy sharing things from around the world. But these are the obvious things. The guaranteed positive response. The Eiffel Tower, example. The Vatican. I feel blessed to have stood beside the Colosseum. Floated in Venice. But it’s not a surprise really. I expect people to like these photos.

Winter in Minneapolis. Not the expected destination for travel. But there is beauty. And I see it. Maybe it’s all just a reflection of the people I’m with, but the light!!!! The beautiful light of this city. One that I claim. This is something! I shared the image with my French family. When she replied, in French, how beautiful she thought the light was, it made me feel special. Not just because I took the photo. But that she could see it too. We were a little more connected. Sharing this truth.

It’s why I share the stories of the places I love, but even more so, the people. When I wrote this poem about my mother, The Truth about you, I did it because sometimes I just can’t imagine the incredible luck, the pure blessing, of having such a mother, and I just want everyone to know. To see it. To see her. So pardon my repeats, as I keep spreading the news. The joy. The love I have for my mom, my city. This world.

The light is coming in from the window. I hope when you see it this morning, you will know, it’s for you too!


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A clean start.

A fresh snow was a gift on Van Dyke Road, if you were 6 years old and needed to make something. We learned pretty early that rolling your ball of snow in last week’s, lasts month’s falling, was never a good idea. You picked up everything left behind in the yard. Gravel spread by the plow. Dead grass. Trash from a tipped can or a note for parents thrown from the school bus. But a fresh snow…this was clean, pure…a blank canvas, a brand new start. You could roll that small ball into one bigger and bigger. You could make a snowman. A family of snow people. You could roll that snow, only picking up more clean snow. You were reinvented. Born. Saved!

We have to stop telling ourselves the same stories – the stories that we don’t want to hear, the stories that we don’t want to be true. The stories we don’t want to be our stories. Even the simplest ones. Things like “I’m a bad sleeper,” or “I’m always late,”. “ I can’t cook.” I’m nothing special.” “I’m not worthy.”  We roll these words over and over in our minds and they pick up more negative thoughts until they become too big to even push around and we just become them. I have been guilty of this. Sure. We all have. But I want more for myself. I want more for you!  We can do this. We’ve already learned it. We can learn it again. Daily. We can be the fresh snow. For ourselves. For each other. Each day we can offer ourselves that pure and possible fresh start. Give ourselves that open canvas. Be the new story. We can be born. We can be saved. 


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One moment, please.

It may have been Mark Twain, (some give credit to Charles Dudley Warner) but someone once said, 

“Everybody Talks About the Weather, But Nobody Does Anything About It.”

My mother used to operate the switchboard for Alexandria Public Schools. Every winter those phones went crazy. Everyone wanted to talk about the weather! Are the buses going to be late? Why are the buses going to be late? If the buses are going to be an hour late, what time will they come? With the patience of a Nordic saint, my mother answered each call. “One moment please…” And the next call would come in. “What are you going to do about this damn storm?” he asked, not politely. She held her breath. Knowing she had her own damn storm to deal with. This life. I suppose everyone does. And most people don’t do anything about it. But she wanted to. And she did. She went to work every day. Put on her best clothes. Her best smile, sometimes merely painted on, but on none the less. And she worked, not just at this job, but at this life. To make it better for her. To make it better for me. Because she knew it was all just a moment. One moment. And she was going to live it. He shouted again on the phone line. She smiled. She was going to be more than fine. “One moment please…”
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