Jodi Hills

So this is who I am – a writer that paints, a painter that writes…


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Bloom of voice and thunder.

I pillowed my ears between two couch cushions as the thunder cracked and the lightning flashed through my grandma’s living room. “Would the cows be ok?” I asked her. “Safe in the barn,” she said.

“And the car?”
“In the garage.”

“And grandpa?”
“Smoking his pipe in the basement.”

She patiently had an answer for each one on my list. But surely not the flowers, I thought. They couldn’t possibly be ok. I peaked my head through the front entry door. They were closed and slightly bent as the storm raged around them. “Are they dead?” I asked. “No, just waiting. You’ll see in the morning.”

I slept on the sofa that night. Grandpa snored in the next room. Grandma rolled. I waited under covers.

The first light cracked through the door we never used, giving sound to Grandma in the kitchen. I raced through to the side door. Tiptoed lightly, tickling the wet grass and stood in front of the sun-lit front stairs flanked by flowers. Straight, strong and wide open! I could not only see them, but hear them!

I marked my return to the kitchen with prints of little wet toes. “They’re good, aren’t they?” “Yes!” I agreed.

Oh, the storms I can create in the middle of the night, even still. I go through my lists and cover myself back to sleep. All part of the growth inside. Knowing the storm will end, light will come, and this bloom of voice and thunder, was about to be heard.


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Inner Buffalo

I have a secret hope when painting cows, that perhaps they’ll see what I see, their inner buffalo. 

When a storm approaches, cows run away — which ultimately means they spend more time in the worst of it. Buffalo, on the other hand, face it directly. By running straight through it, they minimize the time and the pain suffered.

I remember him telling my tear-stained mother, “The only way out is through.” I’m not sure I understood exactly, but when my grandfather said something, I listened. I think they found their way in, these words. I still carry them, pocketed, tumbling through my fingers as I make my way through on the “least traveled path. In work, in love, and in living. Not to abandon the herd, but to offer another way. 

When I painted my neighbor’s portrait, she said it was the first time she saw herself as pretty. When I painted my mother’s portrait she said, “That woman doesn’t look like she needs to be afraid of anything, maybe I don’t either…” 

I think we all have it, the inner buffalo. I think if I see it in you, in myself, I have a responsibility to share it. And I do see it! Don’t you? We can do this. We can face it all together. Directly. Head on. Will it be easy? Not always. Will we run away? Never.