Jodi Hills

So this is who I am – a writer that paints, a painter that writes…


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Scattered “w”s

I don’t know her name, the woman at the bookstore — the one I told you about the other day. The one who followed Frances McDormand around and out the store last summer. But I know her face. And she knows mine. When we returned a few days ago, I placed my book on the counter to purchase, and held my phone up to show her the photo. I started with “Remember when…” and she looked terrified — the store is filled with international customers daily, so I’m sure she was not prepared for a test. But I continued quickly…”we talked about Frances McDormand?” And she broke into a huge smile. Yes, yes, she remembered this. I told her that I was so inspired that I went home and painted her. I held out my phone displaying the portrait. “Wow!” She claimed, “You are soooo good, wow!”  I beamed. I thanked her in two languages, both of us still grinning. “Because of our conversation…” she repeated, recognizing the part she had played. “Yes!” I said. And we knew we were connected. We spoke a little of paint, and words, and she placed my new book in a sack. I turned around to join Dominque and she said, this time to herself, perhaps to the store, the books that connected us, “Woah! Magnifique!” 

There are no price tags for each day that we live, but we do get paid, in the most glorious of ways. Sometimes it is with a passing smile. A lingered hug that says, “I know,” without words. A wave from an open window. Two wows and a woah! — I have them pocketed still, not to hoard them, but to have them at the ready, to give them freely when the moment arrives. When looked at with the hope of connection, I can scatter my “w”s and form a bond. Wow!


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The sanded edges.

Most will never even see it. Let alone touch it. So why does it matter? This sanding of the panel. So smooth to the touch as I dare the thin skinned fingers of my right hand across the top, bottom and sides, knowing it is my left that will reach for it. Grab hold while painting. Pulling it close so my right hand can do the brush work. My right hand can talk to my heart and get all those messages on the panel, stroke by stroke. My right-hearted hand that will get the praise on walls, disappearing all that was held, supported, in order to get this result. So will everyone know? No. Anyone? Probably not, but both of my hands know. Even when the painting is finished, I brush the wood and remember. I remember everything. A symbol of all that has held me. Everyone that has supported me. Supports me still. 

These are the people, the left hands that hold me. Not for praise or glory. The teachers. The neighbor ladies. The friends. My grandparents. My sweet mother. All who risked holding the jagged wood for me when it wasn’t sanded. They took on the splinters so I wouldn’t have to. And I hope I said thank you then. But there were so many times. I couldn’t have possibly gotten to them all. This is why I sand the wood. This is why it matters. It is for them. They are within every piece that I create. And these heroes, who never asked for recognition, they need to know that I know. I know it every day. So I smooth the wood. The luxury of this gentle touch holds the thank you I meant to say, the thank you I mean to say, daily, and do.