Jodi Hills

So this is who I am – a writer that paints, a painter that writes…

Tag Archives: above


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Above.

I was working on one of the subjects of my new painting. The nose wasn’t quite right. “Maybe if I just get the extension to the eyebrow a little more. Highlight it. Now the brow isn’t quite right. And the angle to the lash…wait…”  And he started to disappear. And then my additions became too noticeable. My apologies too thick. My thumb and pointer finger looked for the “undo” button. There wasn’t one. Nothing to do but begin. 

And that’s the way with painting. Sometimes you have to clear the mistakes and start fresh. I suppose the same is true with real life. Piling on the same behavior to get a different result, they call that insanity. And the funny thing is, we knew this, as kids. We were smart enough to let go of the thing that got us here, and ask for a do-over. Not a “do-again.” Not a repeat and repeat of the old, but a new solution. A do-over. 

I’m not sure why that scares us so much now as grownups. It seemed to be such a relief then. This letting go, and starting again. What freedom!  When did we unlearn that? And why? My heart knows when it’s time. Even my fingers reach for the keys. My eyes can see it. It’s just that convincing of the brain. I can do it on the canvas. I can do it in this life. We all can. We can do better. And if we can see that, not as a judgement, but as a release, a freedom, then the possibilities are endless. Perhaps even beautiful! 

Better. Over. Above. We can do this!

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Aloft.

Soaring birds that wish to stay aloft without flapping usually fly INTO the wind for lift.

I suppose that’s the goal, isn’t it — a lot less flapping, and a lot more lift. And I mention it only as a reminder to myself. Oh, it’s so easy to get upset over the little things. “But they did this! – again…” and “she always does this – every time,” and “look at that, c’mon!” (So much flapping.) 

And we all know the goal. To get higher. But ooooh, those words — when someone tells you “to just get over it…” I’m not sure why exactly, but they sound like fighting words. Like it’s all your responsibility. Like why do I have to do it? Why do I always have to go higher? (Oh, that flapping!) So I tell myself in different words, be the soaring bird. And my heart stops fighting the wind, but using it. To glide. Higher. And I always feel better. Always. 

I’m so human. I learn the lesson over and over. But I’d like to believe I become the bird a little easier, a little more quickly, with each passing lesson. I hope so. Because the view! Spectacular! 

Maybe you’ve already mastered it. If so, I say bravo, little bird! And I make you this promise (me, too often here among the flappers) — I’m learning — and I’ll see you up there!

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