When I woke up to check the time, the numbers on my phone were swaying from left to right. The whole phone was. The room. Dizzy. Maybe it’s a “bug,” or the barometric change of spring, or just a little reminder of my mom. She was dizzy most of her life. I have only a touch of it from time to time, but it does rock you when it comes. I held tight the sturdy wood of the nightstand. I don’t know why that works, but it does. Nothing is actually moving, but holding tight to the certain seems to stop it.

Everything has seemed a little wobbly these last few months. Unstable. But in clinging to my certain, I find a way to not just get through, but enjoy the day. Yesterday I began a small painting. The stretching. The gessoing. Then the painting. A still life. No pun intended. It’s what I needed. I moved my brush to the music, and let my heart settle. It felt so good. I didn’t feel the time passing. I went to the woodpile. Cut the lengths. Sanded. Framed my certainty and felt whole.

There is no shame in doing what you need to do to feel whole. For you it may be gardening. Reading a book. Baking a cake. Doing nothing at all. Clinging to the nightstand beside your bed. This is not weakness. There is strength, deep strength in knowing the little things that save you. That make you happy. Do them. Daily. Find your certain. Live in your still.