Jodi Hills

So this is who I am – a writer that paints, a painter that writes…


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No dream left unspent.

The muted wave of the El train from behind the thick windows of the hotel sounds like the ocean.

I started coming to Chicago just after college. We were comped hotel rooms on Michigan Avenue from the magazine in which I placed ads. Of course I brought my mother. The magnificence of this mile was meant to be paired with hers. Shopping was our exercise and our entertainment. Everything was tried on — including this life where we could be anyone. I suppose that was the greatest gift of all. No past to lament. No dream left unspent.

When our three day excursions would come to an end, we would walk to Lake Michigan and release any lingering worry not left in the steps of the Magnificent Mile to the wave, return to our car and our lives, just a little lighter.

It’s hard to explain to those who don’t love it, to those who hear only the noise of the El train. But when you get past the rattle, into the wave, what a ride! And maybe it was easier for us…having survived the wrecking clatter of our lives — the noise and shake of uncertainty — this here, was beautiful. Lyrical. Musical. And oh, what a ride!

After losing my mother, I must admit that I can sometimes get caught up in the rattle of it all. But she wouldn’t want that. She was laughter and beauty and survival and grace. And so I hear it. The wave. The beautiful wave that tells me to enjoy it all.

The train keeps rolling. The waves are calling. I feel a little lighter. It’s time to ride. Magnificent!

The waves are calling and I must go.


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Disguised in blue.

I started telling my secrets — small secrets, secrets that fit into the basket of my banana seat bike — telling these secrets to the tiny waves of Lake Latoka. They were not big waves, but they were not big secrets. And so they would roll out, back to the deep water, dark water, and I would be free. Free from carrying them.

What a relief to be free. As I got older, some secrets (or worries) got bigger. But so did my lakes. On the shores of Lake Michigan, I released more than I could carry. And again, I was free.

And when I needed a bigger tide, there was the ocean, the sea…and never have I been turned away. Each wave telling me, go ahead, I can handle it. Let me carry it.

This comfort of shore, what a gift. So I paint it again and again, to remind me of all that it has offered to carry. And for all those people, disguised in blue, who have done the same. I give thanks for you, every day.

I see you standing there, toes dug in the sand. I nod my head and smile. We both know what we’re thinking, “Roll tide!”