Jodi Hills

So this is who I am – a writer that paints, a painter that writes…


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My Notre Dame

After five years of restoration, the Notre Dame cathedral reopened in Paris! I don’t know that one exclamation point can signify the extraordinary feat. While most agreed that five years would be nearly impossible, the greater consensus was — “not on my watch…” It wasn’t whether it could be done, but that it had to be done. And it wasn’t just Catholics, or Parisians, the world seemed to be invested. For it isn’t just architecture, it is a story of our humanity. Some will call that faith. Fortitude. Survival. Pride. Celebration. Maybe it’s all of those things. But this building, this evidence of our living, this story that has stood for nearly a thousand years, all agreed that it couldn’t be lost to something so banal as a dropped cigarette or a loose wire. Not a war, not a natural disaster, nothing in all this time had taken it down. No one wanted to be the ones that let it go. 

Every detail was replicated. Details that most will never see, but all will feel. The voice of Notre Dame has been restored. Each rafter is aligned to the note. There is a sound that exits because of the building. It rings again. Still.

In my most humble of ways, I work each day on keeping my own “Notre Dame” alive. There is a voice to my Hvezdas. My Alexandria. My Van Dyke Road. My friends. My new French family. My Provence. My Paris. All rafters in the voice that is mine. Is ours. And I will do everything to keep that alive. It is my watch. It is my responsibility. 

And don’t we all have that? Aren’t we all keepers of the story? Isn’t it our joyful duty to do the work? To pass on the love? To keep it alive? To be the exclamation point of this time? This place? “Yes! Yes!!!” I shout, we shout, over the sound of ringing bells.

Paris, 2024


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To be filled.

It can be very humbling, an empty space. Sometimes even frightening. 

When I first saw the empty cathedral, it took my breath away. It was the location for my first solo show in France. How could I ever fill it? Seemingly miles of endless space. The answer has always been the same. Whenever faced with a void, be it of heart or mind, I return to my story. Because from the hardest of days, to the best of days, this story I’m living, creating, day by day, has always led me to love. So I put it down on canvas and page, and I filled that cathedral.

It’s different every day — the spaces we’re offered (sometimes not even offered at all, but reached for, struggled for, chosen, claimed…). And it’s funny, possibly even ironic, but always true — I have to keep pouring out, in order to be filled. Sometimes it’s merely a tiny scrap of paper. (It’s rarely a cathedral.) I fingertip the tiny apple and it’s enough to complete my day, to keep me whole.

From time to time, I get mixed up. Seeing others as vessels that could never be filled. How could they need so much? Their never ending demands. Their “it’s just not good enough”s. I could never give them enough. It’s just too much. But in a moment of clarity I remember, that it’s not up to me. I give and forgive, not to fill their cathedral, but mine. And with a humbly stumbling heart, brimming whole and hopefuI, I, we, can do anything.


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Touristing.

I’m not big on sport analogies, but there is one that always sticks with me, as I navigate this world, and other relationships. It was during a football game. He had just scored a touchdown, which we all agree can be exciting, but the player made a gigantic display in the endzone, far exceeding any natural elation. As he continued it back to his side of the playing field, the coach simply said, “Act like you’ve been there before.”

It’s exciting to be a tourist. I love it. It’s easy to get caught up in the moment. I understand. But it seems that a majority of us have lost the ability to recognize that we are wandering through, not just monuments, but other people’s lives.

We sat near the altar in La Cathédrale de la Major for Charles’ confirmation. Of course this is one of Marseille’s grand cathedrals. A coveted destination for sure. But throughout the service, tourists, in their brightly colored shorts and graffitied t-shirts that declared the latest concert attended, wandered beyond the velvet ropes nearly on to the altar, snapping photos, waving to the rest of their group to signify that they made it to the “endzone.”

I mention it mostly as a reminder to myself. Without our knowledge or permission, we are touristing through the lives of others. I hope that I, we, can ease up on the trample, even on the most exciting of days. Because on this day that we are celebrating our victories, someone is losing someone, someone is lost. I think our joy is meant to be seen — definitely. Never as a taunt, but as a welcome.

I want to get better at this journey. Maybe the best way to start is to realize we are all on one.