My heart was feeling this constant pressure. It felt too big for my chest. The blood left tracks as it moved from limb to limb. From heart to brain. This awareness ruled over everything. Blurring. Distracting. All encompassing. But I wasn’t in pain. I was falling in love.
A surgeon once told me, the brain has a hard time deciphering things. It will mix up fear, with pain. Being cold, with pain. And if you stopped to think about it, really think about it in the moment, you could go through the check list. Am I actually in danger? Am I in physical pain? Normally the answer was no. Maybe I was cold. Maybe I was a little scared. But it didn’t have to necessarily be associated with pain. And in doing this, I could change my mind. Not always easy, but possible…and brilliant.
I enjoyed the feelings when I was falling in love with Dominique. I still do. Sometimes my heart will give a flutter, when he walks into a room. This is never pain.
Yesterday, with thoughts of my mother racing through my head, my heart ached. So big. So heavy. It traveled to each limb. I placed my hand on my chest. And it occurred to me, for just that moment…a flash in my heart that begged my brain to see, this wasn’t pain, this was love. Love. Never easy, but possible…brilliant.
December 7, 2022 at 4:09 pm
This is so good and so true.