It wasn’t that I was fenced in, it was that I stayed, that’s what pains me the most I guess.  I stayed.  Yes, sure, I’m out now.  And it is so good.  Freedom is love.  Love IS freedom.  There is that part of my brain that wanders back there, just for a flash… maybe because of a dream, a photograph, a scent, and I’m right back there.  And as a flash, I say that’s ok.  Only a flash though.  Yes, as a reminder, it’s good .  Look where I am now.   Oh the green.  The sweet green beneath my feet, my freed feet.  I got out.  By some grace, some luck, some effort… some gut driven hope, thought, wish, that maybe I was good enough, oh my was it hard to believe in it… but thank God for the audacity of that tiny speck of “maybe I can” that lived in my stomach – that tiny spot of “maybe I’m worth it” that dared showed itself in my brain – that tiny beating of “I’ve got to try” that pulsed in my heart.  These small things tore down the fence.  And I was free.  I AM free.  No more fences.  Love is the only reason to stay.

“Someday, I imagine, I will take down my heart fences and simply say, “I love you,” and I won’t be safe, but I will be saved.”  jodi hills