It wasn’t that I was fenced in, it was that I stayed, that’s what pains me the most I guess. I stayed. Yes, sure, I’m out now. And it is so good. Freedom is love. Love IS freedom. There is that part of my brain that wanders back there, just for a flash… maybe because of a dream, a photograph, a scent, and I’m right back there. And as a flash, I say that’s ok. Only a flash though. Yes, as a reminder, it’s good . Look where I am now. Oh the green. The sweet green beneath my feet, my freed feet. I got out. By some grace, some luck, some effort… some gut driven hope, thought, wish, that maybe I was good enough, oh my was it hard to believe in it… but thank God for the audacity of that tiny speck of “maybe I can” that lived in my stomach – that tiny spot of “maybe I’m worth it” that dared showed itself in my brain – that tiny beating of “I’ve got to try” that pulsed in my heart. These small things tore down the fence. And I was free. I AM free. No more fences. Love is the only reason to stay.
“Someday, I imagine, I will take down my heart fences and simply say, “I love you,” and I won’t be safe, but I will be saved.” jodi hills