Site icon Jodi Hills

Without time.

It took me forever to do my math homework. All the problems dealt with trains leaving, arriving, clocks ticking, tracks crossing, and with each one I went on a trip. I was so much more concerned with where I was going, than the actual calculation of time. It seemed so clear to me, even as a teen, barely one foot on this train, what was important — what was I going to do with the time?

Is this the math they said we’d never use? Maybe. From time to time, I must admit I start to calculate. Calculate how long 12 years felt in school to gauge how quickly the next twelve will go. How fast did it feel? How long did I know my grandmother? How many rocks did I pick with my grandfather? How many days of vacation did I take with my mother? And did it feel fast at the time? Maybe if it felt long, if I could only make it feel longer, then the days ahead would pass more slowly? What am I doing? There is no math for this. 

I sit at my desk, both feet on the train now. I open the window and drop the “times this” and “divide that” and let it rattle on the track. How easily I let go of the problems then. It feels so good to do the same today. My heart and brain wander without time, only experience. I begin the day’s journey. What a trip it will be!

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